Choosing Well-Being

A few days ago I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in quite a while and in the typical back-and-forth of catching up, they asked me, “How are you?”

Without missing a beat, but for the first time in a long time, I replied with an atypical response. “I’m great!”

They looked at me inquisitively, and asked with a side smile, “Really?”

And I replied with “Truly! Everything is really great! I honestly can’t complain about a thing!”

And it hit me – this is what shedding the bullshit and insane stress from my previous job has done for me. I realized that in a very short time frame, I’ve gone from surviving to thriving and beyond. I have no significant stress from my job (or any area of my life currently, because 99.9% of my stress came from my job). I feel lighter. I feel happier.

What have I let go of? The years of being unsupported in my role; having to make countless decisions without guidance or help; being triggered into angst, anxiety, fight or flight on a regular basis; reaching burnout and receiving no help from my management; advocating for better policy, practice and staff support which continually fell on deaf ears; and toward the end, several significantly stressful events that are almost too implausible to believe (I’ll save those events for another post). If you know me, you know I was working for a child and family focused organization. At a minimum, there’s a lot of irony in this.

I grew in my role by my own sheer will to not fail, by my quest for knowledge and learning, and by wanting to be the leader for my team that I wished I had for myself.

I’m super proud of the work I accomplished in my prior role. I loved leading my team, and the impact of the work across the state is immeasurable. But I have no regrets in leaving what was a secure, stable, meaningful role. Because in the end, I could no longer justify the stress and toll the lack of leadership was taking on my well-being. I could no longer work for a place where my ethics did not align. And I could no longer sacrifice my peace for being the vocal one advocating for positive change against a management group that was expert at placating and lip service but had no meaningful action that mattered to the average employee.

It took me a while to find a new place – I wanted to be sure I was changing to an agency that had good leadership and ethics, one that seemed to be able to both talk the talk and walk the walk. And so far, it feels like a good fit for the criteria I was seeking. Just last week, our team has been celebrated throughout the agency for the work that we do. Not just in pithy emails that feel standardized and impersonal, but through individualized gratitude and acknowledgment – descriptions of our strengths in fun creative ways that match the letters of our names, lunch out on the agency dollar, a certificate for a home movie night, and several other ways that highlight our contributions and communicate that we are valued.

Being able to say that “I’m great!” with an automatic, enthusiastic, and truthful reply is huge. Because when I left my job of nearly 25 years and picked a new path, I didn’t just change my job – I chose myself and my health. All aspects of my health – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual – have sighed in relief. I’ve come out of fight or flight. I’m laughing more and sleeping better. I’ve taken time for deep introspection, and through coaching, have been able to take the time for inner work and reflection and experience unpacking, releasing, and growth.

I debated sharing this post, but in the end, decided it might help someone else. Because what I wish I would have said to myself years ago is that you don’t have to stay somewhere out of responsibility – responsibility to the job, responsibility as a trait or strength or programming, responsibility to adulting – whatever that feeling of responsibility is, you’re only responsible for staying true to yourself and your values, and doing what brings you a sense of happiness, purpose, and meaning. You don’t have to stay somewhere that isn’t helping you be your best you; you don’t have to stay at a place that is contributing to patterns detrimental to your well-being. There are other places out there that are more supportive. If you’re currently in a job that may not be the best fit for you, I hope you can find ways to be supported – whether that’s through counseling or coaching (yes, they’re different… I’ll share more on that soon!) or learning and implementing good boundaries. And maybe, just maybe, if you look inside and embrace your courage, you might take that step toward a change that benefits you. It can be a little scary (or a lot), but it can be so incredibly rewarding to choose yourself. The world benefits when the best version of you steps forward – and when that best version of you keeps growing in positive ways.

I’m thrilled to be on the beautiful side of thriving. Because the truth is, I AM great! And I can’t wait to see what’s ahead – out beyond the horizon is a whole future of endless possibilities.

Final pieces of advice for those who may feel stuck:

• Use your sick hours. Don’t leave them rolling year-after-year unless you get paid out for them. They are not sick hours, they are wellness hours. Use them. Don’t leave 250+ hours on the table like I did. I have very few regrets, but not insisting on using my sick/wellness hours more is one of them. I used my vacation hours and regularly took time off, but I should have used my other benefit more.
• Check your organization for an EAP benefit (Employee Assistance Program), and if it’s available, access it. It’s free counseling for usually 3 sessions per topic. I accessed our EAP for 3 sessions and probably could have kept going indefinitely, but the irony of my counselor recommending in the second session that I find a new job, and fast, was not lost on me.
• Find ways to take care of yourself – positive food choices, taking breaks, stepping away from the computer. For me, walks and snuggles with my dog, regular exercise, having a food plan, incorporating meditation, and knowing when my next mini vacation was were all helpful in keeping me supported.
• If you don’t have an EAP benefit, consider finding a counselor through your insurance (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists), or if you’re interested in forward planning, consider a coach. My holistic coach has been instrumental in helping me work through my transitions and plans for the future, and I have found coaching others to be of great service and benefit in partnering with someone to support them in reaching their goals.
• Follow your gut. You have intuition, and it’s probably speaking to you. You know when something isn’t right, when it’s too much, when it’s time to leave, and when the next thing is the right thing. Listen to that inner knowing, because it’s a wisdom that is trying to protect and help you.

Take care of yourself. You’re the only one who will. And I hope you have supports along the way to finding your best self and path in life so that you can shine your light for the rest of the world.